The Persistence of Memory (1931) ~ Salvador Dali
while alive {
do (!forget_yourself)
}The hardest thing to do while “growing up” and becoming a “responsible” adult has been the constant battle to not lose the inner child that i always had.
I stand in the river of time, my eyes closed in the pursuit of a “better” life, while the water runs my edges soft and reduces me to sand, a fragment of the colorful rock that i once was. It is true that I was rough around the edges, but i had not lost myself back then.
This post serves as an anchor that i am putting deep in the ground so that i do not forget who i was and what i wanted to do in life. Everyday i am losing parts of me i knew that i had but it is so hard to believe that it was the same person. All i remember in my life is slaving away for others, gone are the memories of things that i wanted to do. I can blame the job, i can blame those for whom i even do this job, but i want to not blame, but solve this issue.
I want to see the colors again, i want to be in the moment and not think about work, not worry about deadlines. I want to make a lot of doodles like i used to, i want to go through the book that has been lying beside my pillow since 4 months. I want to make and fly that kite upon the blue Bangalore sky. Most of all, i want to feel as clearly as i used to, not these dulled faded out feelings that i feel these days.
Someone stole my joy away, or was it I who sold it for a few rupees?
I do not know which one is it, i am unable to differentiate through the haze. I know only one ground truth, i never was like this, and i lost a part of me that needs to be found!
So here i am, making a promise to myself, to find the lost childhood, and stop the misery, for it has gone for far too long and has corroded too much of me.
Where is the boy who used to live in 3k a month and had built up an amazing healthy lifestyle with his limited resources? Where is the boy who was kind and used to feel so much? The world has blinded, gagged and put him down, but here he is, making me write after so long. Here he is, doing the one thing he knows – trying.
I have whored too much of my body and time, no more! My mind is the being and the body is the temple, and so i promise myself that i will build this temple up and not let these greedy fucks pillage it further. I will put my peace above everything and i will find me again. I promise.
I shall come back here again after a week. <4.5.26>